The Maxwell Effect
by Goku Girl
Summary: Shounen ai. It's time for Relena Peacecraft's annual holiday celebration and her security team has put measures into place to stop Duo Maxwell from ruining it... again.


**Series:** Gundam Wing  
**Genres:** Humor  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairings:** 1 x 2, 3 x 4  
**Warnings:** Shounen ai. Drug usage.  
**Notes:** I haven't written a GW fanfic in about four years, but I've read dozens of them in the meantime so this won't _completely_ suck.  
**Summary:** It's time for Relena Peacecraft's annual holiday celebration and her security team has put measures into place to stop Duo Maxwell from ruining it... again.

* * *

**The Maxwell Effect**

Against all odds, despite the fiasco of last year, they'd received another invitation to Relena Peacecraft's annual Christmas celebration. Well, _Heero_ had received an invitation, but it did say for him to bring "a guest". Yet, even if it hadn't, Duo Maxwell wouldn't have missed the party for the world.

"You're going to behave," Heero said in his usual monotone as he guided the car to their destination.

"Yes, Hee-chan."

"No drinking, no lewd jokes, no 'trying to make things fun'."

"Yes, Hee-chan."

Dark blue eyes slid over to briefly rest on the young man sitting beside him. He wore an innocent expression on his cherubic face, but mischief ran rampant in his amethyst eyes. "Duo? Are you listening to me?"

"Of course, Hee-chan."

He sighed, a short exhalation of breath. "I don't know why I bother."

Duo smirked. "Me either."

"Just... try not to cause _too_ much trouble," he said after much thought. Duo had been a Gundam Pilot just as he had been. If he truly put his mind to something there would be no stopping him.

"I won't." Smiling angelically, Duo made a hand sign. "Scout's honor."

"You weren't a Boy Scout."

The smile grew wider. "I know."

  
Three young men occupied a lounge just off the main hall. One sat calmly on a sofa upholstered in a forest green material that felt soft beneath his hands. He was tall and thin with light brown hair that fell carelessly over his face, completely obscuring one vivid green eye. Another young man paced the room restlessly, his pale blonde hair bouncing with each rapid step. His blue eyes were worried as he glanced constantly at the door, his mind wondering what He would do this year. The third young man was muttering to himself about the sheer stupidity of allowing a certain someone entrance into the grand manse. His shiny black hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, not one strand out of place, and his dark eyes were cast inward, mentally reviewing the procedures he himself (as Chief of Security) had put into place to ensure that the celebration went off without a hitch. There would be no Maxwell Effect this year, not on his watch. 

"Sirs," Paragon said regally from the entrance. No one had heard him open the door. "Mister Yuy and Mister Maxwell have arrived."

"Thank you, Paragon." Quatre forced himself to walk over to the sofa his lover sat upon and join him. "Please escort them inside."

Duo was the first one in and nearly bounced with the excitement of seeing his friends again. "Hi, Q-chan, Tro-chan, Wuffie-chan." Wufei's face reddened and he looked close to exploding from being addressed by such a ridiculous name.

"How many times-" But he was interrupted.

"Duo," Quatre said with an honestly happy smile, "it's great to see you. Heero," he nodded to the taciturn young man standing behind him.

"Winner. Barton. Chang." He then proceeded to take the closest seat to the door, a closed expression on his face.

"You'll have to excuse my partner," Duo said in a stage whisper, "he hasn't had his nap yet." An eye twitch from said partner was the only visible response. Quatre had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling. The braided young man bounced over to the couch where the blonde Arabian sat and squeezed himself between him and Trowa. "So, how's it going? Did you two finally tie the knot?"

Pinkness spread over Quatre's fair cheeks. "Um, no..."

"That's good!" He clapped his hands together and began to rub them eagerly. "That means I can still help plan the wedding!"

Images of bright, clashing decorations and loud rock music caused him to blanch. "Oh, no, that's okay. We'll handle it all when the time comes so all you would need to do is show up." He smiled warmly at his friend, knowing that he was only trying to help. "Thanks, though."

The former God of Death pouted for a few moments before inquiring about their hostess. Not that he really wanted to see her, of course, but he thought that it was the polite thing to do. Quatre explained that she was putting the finishing touches on everything and that she would be down later to meet and greet her guests. There were still a few hours before the party began and Duo was already bored even though he'd only been inside of Relena's mansion for ten minutes.

So he interrogated his friends, wanting to know absolutely everything that had happened in their lives since he last saw them. Quatre was busy running his father's corporation; Trowa, who missed the circus, had set up gymnastics classes for kids and were teaching them all how to be as daring as he; Wufei he teased mercilessly, telling him with a wide grin how ironic it was for him not to be gay. The Chinese young man simply said it was fitting that he _was_. After Duo regained his wits, and Quatre had stopped giggling, he saluted his friend with a cheerful, "Touché."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"That's none of your business."

Duo winked at Quatre conspiratorially. "So you do. What's her name?"

"None. Of. Your. Business." It was fortunate that Wufei wasn't pyrokinetic because Duo would have been just a pile of smoldering ashes by now. Unrepentant, the braided young man smirked and started conversing with Quatre.

Trowa wandered over to where Heero sat and took a seat nearby. They'd had a special connection ever since he'd taken care of him after Heero's self-destruction, Trowa being the only one who accepted his silences for what they were and never pressured him to "speak his mind" like Duo and Quatre did. The former Heavyarms pilot exchanged looks of long-suffering with Heero and they both favored their lovers with nearly-invisible fond smiles.

"Will this year top the last?" Trowa asked.

"Is Duo a baka(1)?" he asked wryly. "I don't think it's anything _too_ awful." Despite outward appearances, Heero sort of looked forward to his partner's antics. He made life interesting.

  
Duo adjusted his clothing one last time in the silence of the upstairs bedroom he and Heero were given to use for the night. When it drew near seven o'clock, Relena Peacecraft herself had appeared in a cloud of pink chiffon to greet Heero with enthusiastic kisses to both cheeks. While Duo's pleasant facial expression had not altered, his amethyst eyes had regarded the young woman with a sharp look of displeasure. They'd greeted each other coolly, knowing it to be true that they were eternal rivals. 

"Relena, it's so nice to see you again," Duo had said graciously, taking her hand and placing a kiss upon the back of it. "Thank you so much for inviting us again this year."

"It was a pleasure, Duo. After all, you, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei helped bring peace to the Earth and the colonies three years ago on this very day. For that, I am forever grateful." Both had smiled and the gestures were filled with pure venom.

He knew that it was highly unlikely that Heero would abandon him in favor of a _girl_ -- especially a girl named Relena -- but he still had doubts. What if he was too loud, too annoying, too playful? Heero called him a baka all the time, though it had become more of a pet name than anything else. He didn't want to lose Heero. They were partners, a perfect team. Heero kept him from being overly reckless and he, in turn, kept Heero from being a ornery recluse. In fact, the former Wing pilot had told him once that the thought of sharing his life with him was what kept him alive after the war. The words had brought a true smile to his face, not one of his usually slightly manic ones, and it continued to do so three years later.

Duo slipped on his shoes and headed downstairs to the ballroom where the faint sound of the string quartet Relena had hired for the evening floated into the hallway. He made a face at the choice of music, pausing a moment to make sure everything was in place.

"It's showtime, folks,(2)" he whispered. Pasting a pleasant smile on his face, Duo opening the door and entered.

The man standing beside the door eyed him curiously. "Your name, miss?"

"Well, I'm the Countess Devina." He said in a falsetto, batting his eyelashes at the man. He received a strange look in return and soon he was being announced to the entire room.

"I present the Countess Devina," he said loudly. All eyes turned to Duo and he smiled beatifically. When his friends caught sight of him, he was greeted with a myriad of responses. Heero looked stunned. Trowa looked bemused. Quatre looked as if he would burst into wild giggles. But Wufei... Wufei's reaction was the best of all. He held a cup of what was probably water up to his lips, his hand motionless. According to the expression on his face, it seemed that the taste of his beverage didn't agree with him.

He hadn't taken more than five steps into the room when he was accosted by Heero. "Duo, what the hell?"

With a confused smile he looked down at his poofy pale blue dress, tights, and white leather heels and asked, "You don't like?"

"I love a man, not a drag queen!" he hissed.

Well, Duo could certainly understand that, but he wanted to be able to dance with his man without receiving a "Glare of Death" from either Relena or Wufei. The former Queen of the World had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want a scandal. Apparently, knowing that four of the five saviors of the free world were gay would qualify as one.

He offered his hand to him. "Would you like to dance, kind sir?"

"Ah." Heero looked indecisive. "Alright."

They spun around the floor, the happiness that welled inside helping him to ignore the fact that the stockings were irritating his freshly-shaven legs like crazy. Also, his feet were starting to hurt just a little from being forced into an arch. Once the song was finished, he excused himself and went to find a chair and a glass of wine.

Wufei was finally able to corner him.

"What took you so long?" he asked casually.

"Maxwell," he said quietly, "I don't know what you're up to, but don't believe for a moment that I'm going to let you get away with it."

"Whatever, 'Fei," he said, pointedly turning his head away to watch the dancers. He knew it would piss the other young man off and was rewarded with a frustrated growl.

The night passed slowly and Duo was getting bored again. He was having a great time messing with Relena and Wufei, keeping them on their toes by chatting with the important guests and making up wild stories, but he wanted to execute the second part of his plan before it grew too late and the party started winding down.

When Relena stood up to make her yearly speech, and everyone's eyes were turned towards her, he snuck through a small, discreet door and into the manse's kitchen. It was empty, all of the servers having gone into the ballroom at Relena's insistence that they show their full support of her whether they wanted to or not. There were dozens of champagne and wine bottles sitting unprotected on the counter and Duo rubbed his hands in glee when he saw them.

"Wait until they get a taste of Shinigami's Special Brew," he snickered. He tipped a little white powder into each bottle, swirling the alcohol around to ensure that it was well-mixed. Then, just as quietly as he'd crept in, he crept out, arriving just as the Sanq Ambassador was finishing up. The crowd clapped politely and Duo clapped right along with them.

Quatre sidled up to his friend. "Er, _Countess_," he whispered, "where did you go?"

"Shinigami's on a mission," he answered, "and I'm taking no prisoners."

As the servers began to circulate with fresh serving trays of hors d'oeuvres and drinks, the secret grin on Duo's face grew wider and wider. Wufei had taken to following him around wherever he went, knowing that something big was coming even though he had no idea what it could be. Many times he'd underestimated Duo Maxwell and, just when he thought he had him figured out, the young man did something even more incredible.

Within twenty minutes, inhibitions were lowering rapidly. The older attendees were the first to succumb to the effects of the powder (which usually came in a variety of pretty rainbow-colored pills). Duo had long since coerced the quartet into playing something more lively and upbeat by using Maxwell Charm and several old women were taking advantage of this by doing a striptease (much to the delight of three old men). While he was squicked beyond belief, Duo was also highly amused. He did several tours around the room to see how things were progressing and was tempted to give himself a pat on the back.

"Duo..." A low voice growled behind him. He didn't stop. He knew who it was and why they were confronting him.

"Wuffie, join the party!" he tossed over his shoulder. "You're always a stick-in-the-mud."

The look on the face of the advancing Chinese man made him pause. "What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do." The use of anything stronger than "damn" and "hell" made Duo realize just how upset the former Shenlong pilot really was.

He took a deep breath. "I... sortofspikedtheliquorwithE."

Black eyes blinked, then blinked again. "Please don't tell me that your 'E' and the 'E' I'm thinking of are the same thing. Ecstasy?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted. "But I only pulverized five pills and it would be pretty much diluted by the alcohol by the time it got to the guests..."

"I cannot believe- Of all the asinine things- YOU ARE SUCH A BAKA!" And, with that, Wufei spun on his heel to confer with his security team, hoping that they could come up with a way to correct the problem since Duo had slipped by them once again. He would be very lucky if he still had his job in the morning.

People were now starting to pair off. The Gundam Pilots (who all had high drug tolerances), and the non-drinkers (both those who abstained from drinking and those bound by their jobs so they _couldn't_ drink), were watching the people around them with varying expressions of shock, disgust, and awe. A young woman wearing only a pair of sheer stockings and a smile skipped by, holding the hand of a young man whose eyes never strayed away from her bouncing posterior. A very important European ambassador was frenching and groping a person who was not only a complete stranger, but also another man. And in the middle of it all, Relena Peacecraft watched as her carefully planned soirée descended into chaos, tears running unchecked down her cheeks.

"Maxwell," she hissed, knowing exactly who was responsible. "I'll kill you!"

So much for the so-called "sworn pacifist". Duo spotted her standing between two oblivious, horny couples, her hair in utter disarray and a large dark pink stain on her chest, and winked. Relena's face turned so red he thought she would cause a blood vessel to burst somewhere in her head.

  
Later, when Duo and Heero were back in their own home and in their own bed, Heero inquired about the strange behavior of Relena's guests at the holiday party. He suspected that narcotics had something to do with it, but hadn't pinned down the actual drug. 

"Oh, just a party favor," he said with a sly smile. The made Heero frown and reach in the top drawer of the bedside table. He pulled a plastic bottle from it and surveyed the tiny colored pills inside.

"Should I count these?"

"Don't bother; I only took five. By the way, how come you never told me that you had a stash of E? We could have had our own little party every night."

"E? You think these pills are Ecstasy?" Heero simply stared at him for a long moment before breaking out into laughter. Duo was so startled to actually see and hear him laughing that he almost fell off the bed. "This isn't Ecstasy, you baka, these are my allergy pills! Something in them must have reacted badly with the alcohol, producing effects in the party guests that were similar to E."

"Oh." Duo thought about that for a long moment before shrugging. "Whatever. I got what I wanted either way."

* * *

(1) it means "idiot"  
(2) I was thinking of K from Gravitation when I added this line. It's from Episode 13 of the TV series. 

Spiking the drinks with Ecstasy came from an episode of Queer As Folk when Brian livened up Lindsay's party by putting E into the punch. I thought this bunch would be too refined for a punch bowl so I had to improvise.

Just barely made it in time for Christmas. Happy Holidays, minna-san.


End file.
